About Me

Musings of a hopeful wanderer.

Friday, May 28, 2010

I'll know I've made it big when the study in my house looks like this one, complete with a ladder, card catalouge, and Ed's parents' Eames chair:

Season for change

Here's to warmer weather:

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Things on my mind

You know, I sort of don't have a plan right now.  I'm moving across the country with a man that I love but am not married to and our rascally dog and we don't have a place to live or jobs to support us.

I'm not that worried.  And if you know me at all, you can understand how miraculous this is.

For the first time in my young adult life, instead of being concerned with plans and grandioise timelines, I'm just really really fucking excited to see where my life is going to take me.

I'm ready to get a move on.

The sweet with the sour

The sun is out.
Today is my last day of work for the week.
Today is Ed's last day of work for the week.
It's supposed to be sunny and warm ALL WEEKEND.
I'm almost finished with my book and have another one waiting to be picked up at the library.
I have enough money in my checking account to buy a helmet so I can finally start biking to work.


Gus may be sick, again.
I have to start looking for jobs, though my funemployment hasn't even started yet.
I have many days off but started my no-spend week, which means no Bearclaw Frozen Skim Chai Lattes.
We "lost" our "good" cable channels (Comcast, we're on to you.  Yes, we were stealing them, but only because they were basically just GIVING them to us!)  (Also, this may be on the positive side, as I discovered the entire first and second season of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is available on Instantly Watch.)


Without the bitter, baby, the sweet ain't so sweet.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Wherein friends and family members will suggest reconsidering my Paxil dosage

So in a serendipitous twist of fate I was interrupted from writing my blog post yesterday morning (at work! the nerve.) and didn't get around to finishing it last night.  I was writing about happiness, specifically mine, but also about the fallacy of happiness as a constant state, rather than as emotion that just like anger, joy, and anxiety, comes and goes.  I had been pondering this for some time and then yesterday, on a particularly shitty morning, I opened my blog reader to find an article in salon.com about this very topic.  Here is how far I got before I had to go to a meeting that I forgot about:

Lately I've really been considering the idea of happiness.  It's no surprise that I'm unhappy with my job and that, in turn, I'm finding it hard to really enjoy anything else.  I sleep a lot, watch too much TV, have a severely reduced sex drive, and probably a dozen other symptoms the DSM-V would classify as depression.  Which isn't to say, though, that I don't have happy moments.  The way Gus greets me when I get home is unbeatable, and lately, has been the one thing propelling me through my days at work.  I can't help but remember though, the last decade or so of my life has been about waiting.  As soon as I can start a new school, things'll be better; as soon as I graduate high school and move out, things'll be better; as soon as I can be with whatever Boy of the Moment, things'll be better; as soon as I'm done with my thesis, get a job, quit my job, move, whatever.  Those things are said and done and yet.

Today, though, I'm feeling better, refreshed, and while I'm still pondering happiness, I'm also pondering what I want this blog to be about.  As a teenager, I was brooding.  Like, really brooding.  I read The Bell Jar and The Perks of Being a Wallflower and really got it, you know?  I kept a journal and had no tolerance for anyone who wouldn't sit with me for hours discussing what was a really superficial understanding of existentialism (Rachel, I'm looking at you!).  It was good to write because I was finally coming to terms with the depression and anxiety I had been suffering from for years and of all the ways I self-medicated, writing was by far the least destructive.  Everything was dark and introspective and, well, brooding. Part of why I felt my writing was so successful was because it was private; I only shared when I was feeling particularly vulnerable or connected (again, Rachel, I'm looking at you).  So now that I've decided to take my personal writing public (or at least semi-public), I'm trying to figure out the public-private balance.  I also think that this is a real compromise everyone in the Millennial Generation is going to have to sort out.

So, in the meantime I'll leave with this.  I don't want this space to be all about the negative.  I don't want every emotional post to be a negatively charged one.  I do want it to be a space where I share myself with close friends and family and while yes, that means I give the good and bad, I, ultimately, don't want to focus on the negative and diminish all the happiness I do feel a lot of the time.

In related news: 6 more weeks!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I rarely understand humans

I am the only female on the planet right now that thinks jumpsuits are totally ridiculous?  I've yet to see one that is even remotely flattering.

Also: jeggings?  My thighs are so big that they kind of always look like they had to be poured into my jeans and I thought that was, um, a bad thing. 

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Things on my mind

There's really nothing to make me more grateful than writing a thank-you note.  Any hand-written note, really.  In fact, I regularly buy stationery and blank cards just for this occasion and wish that the opportunity came up more often.